It would have made more sense for this post to be dated August 12, 2019 as that was the two-year anniversary of something that changed our lives here in the Charlottesville area, especially those of us in public safety. I’m not really sure why I’m just now writing this; maybe it’s because I don’t work in that world anymore and so the preparations leading up to that day weren’t the same for me this year, maybe it’s because my mind just didn’t want to think about that day or maybe it’s because I needed to get through that day first to find the words that I wanted to say.
What I do know is I got up that Monday morning to get ready for work just like I’ve been doing the last 5 weeks, the difference is that I’m to a different place for the first time in five years. I got dressed left for work and only later did I realize what I had done. You see what I had done was put on one of my familiar “dispatcher outfits”. May seem silly but for me I felt so comfortable that day I even made the comment to some of my new coworkers that I felt like I got dressed and went to the wrong place. I was in jeans; which is okay, I’ve been wearing those to work but I also had pulled out my black chucks which I hadn’t worn since June 21st, my last day as a dispatcher. I also put on what I called my thin Gold Line t-shirt. I love to wear it hoping someone will ask me what exactly it means. The symbol on the front looks like Superman symbol except that it’s in black and gray with a gold line across it. Underneath are the words “The Unseen Guardians”.
Those are the people that are unseen, unheard and unthought of. The ones who are answering the 911 calls, responding to the emergency first and then sending help. No matter how far I get from this profession it is always going to be a part of me. It is always going to find me, always be something I think about, something I miss, something I love and hate all at the same time. So now August 12, 2019 has passed. It’s been two years since the now infamous unite the right rally that put Charlottesville on the map for reasons we certainly never wanted to be on the map for. We became the city that when you were out of town and said where you were from everyone gave you this funny look and said “oh yeah”. Before that day a lot of people didn’t know where Charlottesville was before. Not unless their kid wanted to come here for college or maybe they were a college sports fan. Then of course there are some history buffs who knows us because of Thomas Jefferson.
This year was different not as somber, not as many events, not as much fear. Those are all good things but we need to be sure we don’t ever forget that day. History, that’s what started all of this and I’m still going to stand behind the fact that you can’t erase history, you just can’t. What you can do is learn from it, know it happened and make sure the same mistakes aren’t made again. What happened on August 12th came from wanting to do right and not repeat history except that it did. There was hatred, crime and death.
Something I really struggle with about that day is that more than one person died and a lot of people seem to forget that. I’m not in any way trying to forget about Heather Heyer. I certainly believe that her life mattered and she should be remembered. What I really wish though is that more people remembered the other two people that lost their lives. The men that died that day doing their job, that didn’t even live here but were here to help protect our community. The men who left their families that day to go to work and never went back home.
That day has to be remembered so that we don’t repeat it or the history that came before it. I know there are a lot of us that will never forget that day. Our public safety family will never forget the things that we heard that day or the things that we saw. The amount of hatred spewed at me that day on the phone by people who weren’t even there still just blows my mind. So many people who were in other states watching live streams on social media and the news. People who didn’t know me or my coworkers in public safety or my officers but felt like they needed to take the time to find our phone number just so they could call and curse and scream words of hate and anger at us. I’ve often said that was one of the worst days of my life, it certainly was the worst day of my career.
When you work in this field you become family whether you like it or not. I’ve met a lot of great people through the years doing this job but the crew I worked with on that day will always be one of my favorite shifts ever. Also from that day came one of the biggest highlights of my career; our team getting an award for handling that critical incident. I am definitely not going to say I deserved it but I certainly think as a team we deserved it. We went through hell that day so being recognized was amazing. I’ll never forget the feeling of standing there that day as the nomination letter was read along with all of our names and the role that we played and then the standing ovation from a room full of hundreds of people most of which I didn’t even know. The biggest impact on me however was knowing that two of my former directors were in the audience. One of those directors didn’t think I could do it and didn’t think I could make it and let me go. The other director was the one who told me I could, who believed in me and who gave me a chance to prove it and I was proud to stand in front of both of them that day.
I’ve always been very blessed that I’ve had my husband to talk to whenever I’ve had a rough time at work. Unfortunately many others don’t have that or think they don’t have. After August 12th I thought I was fine until we had counselors come visit us from the IAFF in New York. It wasn’t until I walked in the room and sat down that I realized how much I just needed to talk and cry and just tell someone else who had been in my shoes. Because of that I don’t carry around any issues from that experience just memories. I know that there are still others though who do, not only from that day but from other situations they have gone through due to their profession. I feel certain that I can speak for the rest of my former public safety family as well as myself when I say we are here for you. If you need to talk please reach out.
As the days go by the memories of that particular day will fade but the impact will be felt forever. I hope that everyone near and far to Charlottesville learned something from that day so that lives were not lost in vain. I hope that we all can learn to be a little wiser, a little kinder and a lot more accepting. Life is too short for so much hatred. Live, love and enjoy this life you’ve been given, you only get one!
~Carla~
Arise and Glow 