Blessed

The last few weeks have been tough, I’m starting to think we all messed up when we thought 2021 couldn’t be worse than 2020. The impacts from some recent losses have hit me hard, and considering there are those who are way more affected by these tragedies than I am, my heart also breaks for how it has to be affecting them.

My emotions are so all over the place and each morning when I wake up I hope I will feel better but this week there is just a lingering sadness that is so hard to shake. One minute I want to jump in the car with my husband, head to one of our favorite places, and just chill, just the two of us. Next I want to call both of my kids and say “come home”. Then the next I’m wanting to have dinner and spend time with every friend we have. It’s impossible to do it all so then I’m just sad again.
I had several conversations recently about parenting adult children and my stance hasn’t changed. I am still so incredibly proud of how independent both of mine are and the fact that David and I raised them and they’ve left to create their own lives apart from us. But oh how my momma’s heart is aching this week to have them close. It shouldn’t be surprising since we completely picked up and moved two counties over last year to be closer to DJ’s family once Scarlett was here. But it is definitely a new feeling for me. If money were no object I would most definitely buy a large farm somewhere and build us all houses so that I could keep all of MY family close. Between the 6 of us we have enough skills to survive just about and create our own little space where all of the outside pain from this world couldn’t touch us. 

My faith has also been rocked in these last few weeks. That’s something that though I don’t boast about, has been ingrained in me since I was about 3 years old and something that has always been there for me to lean into. I’m having a harder and harder time lately though when all I want to do is scream to the heavens WHY WHY WHY because I just can’t understand. And I am just not in a place right now where any words or scriptures are going to do it for me so I guess it will just take time.

All of this sounds so dreary but it’s all to say how incredibly blessed I feel. I am blessed to have had a nice evening with my husband last night, a good night’s sleep, to have woken up this morning and to kiss my husband as he left for work. I am blessed to have a daughter who is like me in so many ways and who works really hard to make time for her parents and family even though she has to balance that with working full time and making time for her own life and time with her in-laws. But that is also a blessing because she has found someone to make a life with who has a family that has embraced her as well. I am blessed that I have a son-in-law that loves my girl and has given us no doubt that he will also love and protect her. I am blessed to have a son who doesn’t mind that I moved so close when he started his own family and who still enjoys spending time with his parents. I am blessed to have a daughter in law who understands how very important they are to me so when I drop in unannounced there is a good reason for it and who values the fact that even when we seem overboard it’s because her daughter is now a huge part of our lives and we want to make sure she knows from the start how very much she is loved.

Long story short, I am blessed, through all the pain I am feeling, I know I am blessed. Please take the time today to appreciate what you have and stop looking so hard for what you don’t. I totally believe in reaching for dreams and goals but not at the expense of missing what is right in front of your face!

~Carla